Thursday, May 21, 2015

3 a.m.. Really?

I've been waking up at 3 a.m. again. 

This morning it was because I fell asleep with my makeup on. 

I proceeded to feel anxious about everything. 

The good news this time, as opposed to years past, is that I quickly realized there were some things I was NOT feeling anxious about. 

So naturally I HAD to wake up Frank an hour or so later and force him to celebrate the list with me!

These are the things about which I am currently no longer anxious:

1. Paying for the kids' college (this deserves a hallelujah)
2. Texas' crazy-high property taxes
3. My relationship with my dad
4. Living in limbo and away from all 3 kids
5. The kids' future careers (okay, this one is partially true. I'm still a bit concerned about Nicole's!)
6. Making choices that lead me away from a strong family foundation in the future

I'm sure there are more, but those are the biggies. The things that would not only wake me at 3am but would sometimes put me in a catatonic state, especially during contract renewal time. 

Now for the list of things that ARE waking me up at 3 a.m.:

1. Screwing up my children by putting unbeknownst pressure, guilt, or anxiety on them because we left Texas and their childhood friends.

2. Not having enough fun at work

3. Not having a circle of couples friends or couples' activities or couples' volunteer/charity work--and therefore not having enough fun with my husband

My husband, Frank. Isn't he cute?!
Again, there are others, but I must keep some fears private.

Those are the biggies. 

I know I'm not alone in these worries, considering our sitcom BFF's on King of Queens, have entire episodes devoted to two of these three issues.

Our closest "couple friends" these days, Doug & Carrie

So here is what I will embrace today, or at least for the next 11 minutes while I finish my Stairmaster routine:

If love is a series of choices--and if I can just make my next choice out of love for my family, God, and therefore myself--I know I am walking in the Light. 

And I know that Light will keep shining on me and every anxiety lurking in the darkness, pointing the way to a bright and beautiful future.

And you must know, too, that joy will come in the morning.

No matter what time you wake up.

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